It is easy to pave over the moments in life that set foundation in confusion to an uneasy but needed emotional strengthening.
It is easy to move on and not address the feelings that dont come often. I find it hard to address this feeling of emptiness and sadness after a two weeks with my brother. He is on a plane now for London. I feel his absence.
“What was it like to lose your brother?” My mom asked her mom at the dinner table during one of our lavish home cooked meals.
To my mother’s surprise Grandma got a little emotional. “Paul was 53”. (around the same age as my mother’s brother who died of cancer)
“It was strange that one of us was gone.” She continued, “and it is now strange that I can only say I have 3 children and not 4.”
My Uncle Steve was amazing. My younger brother is amazing.
I have to make a DVD for National Geographic and an advertising group, but I can not displace or distract my thoughts right now and continue to live as journalist who feels.
My life is most often lived from the outside when I document the lives of others. Even though I am in there in the presence I can not fully contribute to the scene because I am in the zone of documentation. If I dont stop though, in my pursuit for excellence in Christ, and address my feelings or emotions which can be pushed aside or just not acknowledged as if I was in the field, than I can not longer consider myself a journalist who feels but a journalist who only witnesses feelings.